I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
