Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
not ubering you a puppy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
