i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
