I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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