Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
