I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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