Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
