i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
