stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
