yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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