sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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