Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
