a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
