You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
