right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drake has all the answers
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
