That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
