watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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