Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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