Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
