YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
