Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
