I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
