Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
