I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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