im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
