She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
