Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
