quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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