and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
