thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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