Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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