8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
