i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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