how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
