So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
