Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
