Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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