My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
