i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
