I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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