My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
