I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
