you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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