Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
