Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
