hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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