sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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