he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize