My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
