just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
