just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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