i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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