Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
