just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
