I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
