so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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