yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
