his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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