his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize