That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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