Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
