You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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