So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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