no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
